Magical Night

Have known him for quite sometimes, and decided we should meet up for a date.

Anxiety is killing me, couldn't help myself, keep checking the time.

I should distract myself, what should i wear?

That cute dress? Or a low back sexy dress?? the blue one is pretty too..

Looking at the time, few more hours, I should go to bathe now.

Checking the phone, no new message... sigh~

Finally, there is a message. I should go out now.

He tried to be a gentleman, offered to pick me up.. but i refuse, I plan to drink tonight, i wont allow him to drink if he drives.

Finally, i met him. He complained a bit, since he waited for me for awhile, dint realize that i am so late.

He brought me to a place and asked for my opinion, how sweet. This place gave me a feeling of old and elegant. A perfect place for a perfect date.

He ordered something, so sweet. Well i do not know what to order, so i just leave it with him.

Tonight i am going to fully enjoy myself.

Its such a romantic place. nice music, nice ambiance, nice champagne.

Anxiety was still with me, I am still not sure what to say or what to do.

With a lil bit of alcohol, i relaxed myself.

and with a few more glasses, i gotten bold.

I started to sit nearer, holding him, playing with his fingers, a quick perks on the cheek.

So fun teasing him.

With the last glass of wine, we left the place.

We were going out for a walk, quiet place, nice scenery, feels so romantic, yet not mushy.

we were holding our hands, or rather, i was holding his.

He remained as a gentlemen, dint take any advantages.

This touched me a lot, it makes me happy, at last, i met a guy that wont take advantages of the situation.

We walk along the park, and get a place to sit down, and just talked! he dint try to touch me at all. We had a very long talk, we talk about everything, and he was just so sweet. he even sang me a little song.

After the long talk, we walked again, keep walking and talking. and once in a while, i would stop and give him a hug or a kiss on the lips, he doesn't like biting apparently. He prefer to be gentle, while i am on the wild side. well, he said about compromising, which makes me so happy. He is willing to compromise, he is willing to do it. Isn't it means, he cares about my feeling. He is really a nice guy. A gentleman, a romanticism.

No guy have ever make me feels this way before, its like first love, its like true love.

But everything have to end, he sent me home without doing anything to me, even though i would really like to spend more time together and dont mind if we gone all the way. This is it. My magical night.

After that, we dint meet anymore, we still talk and chat. He told me he is not ready for commitment. I guess he doesn't feels as much love as i do for that night. Or i just simple sucks. And the feeling i had was just a delusion of my own.

getting laid for money

I wonder how does people think when they get paid for sex....

personally i think its pretty dirty.. u get both at the same time.. sex and money..

It pretty unfair.. Sex should not involve money.. well a little treat wont hurt..

some nice dinner after sex... a beer or wine..

and girls like gifts... once in a while.. some small stuff... a pair of cute earrings...

But again... girls will be hurt more if the r/s gone bad... well i mean those sex friend, fuck buddy relationship... i wonder why?

the emotional attachment u have after sex is so dreadful.. why cant I just separate these two?? it will make my whole life much easier...

well i am not getting sex now since it hurts so much after i had it. emotional scars are hard to heal.........so.. its better not to..

But i miss it.. seriously missed it....

i am thinking.. those get paid for sex... will they hurt so much too? if i get paid for sex.. will i be able to stop putting my feeling into it? just take is a job.. a sinful job... a dirty job... and i'll probably hate myself to death if i did it.. so..

Yup.. no.. not gonna do it.. not now not ever!!!!

Ranting!!!!

if thinking of you will make me cry

meeting u will not make it any better

and do u want to meet me while i am crying?

i dont think so

if u ask me

do i want to meet u

yes i do

but if meeting you mean crying infront of you

i will not meet u

i dont want to make u mad

or sad

no one like to meet crying ppl

when i sad

i also wish someone to be there

to comfort me

to tell me its ok

pat me

hug me

love me

i also want that

but now i am sad because of you

i dont want to hurt u

and when i am meeting u..

i will probably blaming u

scolding u

hitting u

i dont know what i will do

yet i dont u to feel bad

i dont want u to feel sad

i dont want to hurt u

and i dont want u to hate me

i still like u

if i dont

i wont feel so sad

if i dont like u

and if i can just take u as a sex friend

of course i will meet u

just to have sex right

no big deal

Yet another boring night…

Somehow someone just randomly popped up in my mind. I had an urge in marauding him. A thousand scenes have been played in my mind, still searching for the best way. How to do it? I have no idea…

It all begun with him appearing in front of me. I had intended to go for a walk around the estate. I needed the fresh air to clear my mind from the unrelenting thoughts. Too many things had happened within such a short span. Meeting Elson again in the streets, SK pestering me again on MSN, getting torn in staying as a married man’s fuck buddy, blah blah blah… …

And then he came.

I heard footsteps coming up from behind. Thud thud thud thud. It keeps on getting louder and seemed to be catching up with me. Though I was not really aware of it that time. Lost in my own thoughts. Pant pant pant pant. Now the breathing sound seemed to be nearer too. Part of me tried to ignore it. Must be some regular runner around the neighbourhood.

BUMP!

I got knocked into by someone whom I didn't even see. God, I felt like killing him. As I raised my head to see my culprit’s face, what I saw made me spare his life. He is well built guy, probably in his late 20s. Tall and dark complexioned. And wearing nothing but a FBT shorts. As I focused in on his body, what greeted my eyes was his strong looking pecs and solid washboard abs. I sworn I forgotten about my worries in that moment and got wet in an instantly.

Miss? Are you okay?

Huh…I got woken up from my distraction and he was holding my arm. Think I almost tripped after he bumped me and he managed to hold me before I fell. Now then I realized how firm his grip is on my arm. He apologized profusely for knocking into me and all that while I was mesmerized by his looks. I tried to snap myself out of it. Very soon, we proceeded to do some quick introductions. Lets call him DS for now.

DS is also in the same job as me… teaching. I wonder how can the girls in his school pay attention in class? If I had a male teacher as hot as him, I think I would have already fucked him countless times. I think I may not mind him shooting his semen into my wanting pussy.

It didn't take very long before I started to fidget uncomfortably. I had gotten aroused from the visual explosion and I wanted to just finger myself on the spot. I made an excuse that I have a stomachache, DS offered to walk me back. The walk only took 3min but I wished it took much longer. As I was about to enter the lift, DS blocked the lift door and asked to exchange contacts. I nearly exploded in climax. A hot guy asked me for my number! I whipped out my hp and hesitated for a while, and I declined him. It took him a while to persuade me to key in his number instead.

After we parted, and I reached home, I quickly entered the shower. Hoping that the cold water will douse my senses. I stepped out of the shower and put on my over-sized tee. As I laid on the bed, I kept on staring at the number saved into my hp earlier on.
Should I give him a call…?

thats all

i am sorry for all this while.. i have done so many bad stuffs. I should not get close to any of my readers at all.. its my fault...

i will close down this blog once and for all. Even it means i will lose the only channel for me venting out all my despair...

its my bad ok? so for those who feel angry, please dont, for those who feel i am silly please dont, for those who are hurt, i m not sure if there is any, please dont.. dont left any feeling for me..

for those i have contacted with, i am sorry, for those who wants me, i am sorry, for those who had their fun time with me, i am sorry...

i am not sure how much impact i have in this world, but sometimes, i feel it that this world will be better off without me..

dont worry, i wont suicide.. i am too worthless to let others ppl down.

i will just rot in my little hole here.. and wont bother any of you anymore..

who cares if i bored to death? who cares if i feel sorry for myself? who cares if i am just a fucking toy? i am will not appear anymore, i will not be a bother anymore...

i had enough of this sharp feling of pain, so sorry for all the time u have wasted in here.. i will be gone for good...

Ugh.. My head hurts..

Ok, I screwed up once again.. Y am i toying with a young and innocent kid? this is just so wrong~~ End up with myself getting hurt? it is so not worth it.. and my head is screaming so much at me. It hurts, feel like hang over. I Promise myself that I'll get over it. I will be better today, i must. and i look so ugly right now, with puffy eyes and messy hair..

This rose is for u.. paper roses is fake but eternal. It will not wither nor change. It will just appear as beautiful as it first seen. Because of you I made it, Because of u I throw it. Thanks so much for all your companion this few nights. It meant alot to me. Thats why the scar is much deeper than i thought it will.

I know its not your fault, Its entirely mine. I should not toy with u, i should not do this kind of things to you. I should not ask and i should not add. DId i regret knowing you? I dont know.. will i be better off not knowing you? I dont know either.


But well, this prove one thing.. Guys want to have sex with me rather than be friend with me. I made it clear, i dont want a fb.. dint i? i hate this kind of sex friend relation. SIck of it.

If A guy that hurt u ask u back...

(12:51 AM) SengKangGUy: Hihi
(12:51 AM) confussing: hi?
(12:51 AM) SengKangGUy: Ya
Hi
(12:52 AM) confussing: are you boot? or virus?
(12:52 AM) SengKangGUy: Nope
Still interested to play ?
(12:52 AM) confussing: no
not with you
(12:52 AM) SengKangGUy:
Ok
(12:53 AM) confussing: good luck
(12:53 AM) SengKangGUy: If u change yr mind tell me
(12:54 AM) confussing: y would i after u treated me like that?
forget it
(12:55 AM) SengKangGUy: Ok already over le so how much I say is no use
(12:55 AM) confussing: lol
friend?
not play mate?
(12:55 AM) SengKangGUy: But if u decide to change yr mind
Let me know
Both
(12:56 AM) SengKangGUy: I need u n u need me
(12:56 AM) confussing: so u only looking for playmate eh..
(12:56 AM) confussing: sorry i cant help u on this anymore
(12:57 AM) SengKangGUy: I looking for a friend that can be friends with me
But since we know each other... So why??
Easier right?
(12:57 AM) confussing: just for that right?
(12:58 AM) confussing: i am ok if u started with that
(12:58 AM) SengKangGUy: Think abt it
(12:58 AM) SengKangGUy: Which that?
(12:58 AM) confussing: but the way u start
(12:58 AM) SengKangGUy: Since we both did so much
(12:58 AM) confussing: haiz..
u have a girl that u like right?
(12:59 AM) confussing: then u should stop doing it with me
(12:59 AM) confussing: its bad for her and you
(12:59 AM) SengKangGUy: No need to shy
What?
So.. U wan?
I don have a girl
I don like gfs
(1:00 AM) confussing: u dont like gf?
u like bf?
lol
(1:00 AM) SengKangGUy: Nope
Just don't like to commit
(1:00 AM) confussing: i see
(1:01 AM) SengKangGUy: So u interested?
Just online n phone
(1:01 AM) confussing: nope
(1:01 AM) confussing: good luck
(1:01 AM) SengKangGUy: I won't force u to meet
So u don wan?
(1:01 AM) confussing: i prefer meeting
lol
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: But u very easily affected
(1:02 AM) confussing: yup
thats why
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: I feel scare
(1:02 AM) confussing: dont want
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: I prefer we do here
(1:02 AM) confussing: i also scare do it with u again
(1:02 AM) confussing: well, my circuntances change
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: Don worry I wont
(1:02 AM) confussing: i cant do it here any more
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: Why?
(1:02 AM) confussing: not with you
(1:03 AM) SengKangGUy: Lol, okok
I get it
(1:03 AM) confussing: good luck
(1:03 AM) SengKangGUy: Then won't bother u 
I no need the luck
(1:03 AM) confussing: yes u need
(1:03 AM) SengKangGUy: But think abt it
I dont
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: I need is you
(1:04 AM) confussing: do u know that for girl, its easy to find a guy that want to do it?
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: But u just can't think straight
Lol
(1:04 AM) confussing: yup
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: Not really la
(1:04 AM) confussing: i cant
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: Okokok
(1:04 AM) confussing: hahaha
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: I leave you alone
(1:04 AM) confussing: lol
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy:  haha
(1:05 AM) confussing: sure sure
hmm
i think u are the first and will b the only guy affecting me so much
(1:05 AM) confussing: applause for you
lol
(1:05 AM) SengKangGUy: We can work things out
(1:05 AM) confussing: nah
(1:05 AM) SengKangGUy: Just be like past?
(1:06 AM) confussing: tootroublesome
hmm
(1:06 AM) SengKangGUy: With no meets up
At least I am honest
(1:06 AM) SengKangGUy: I don cheat yr feelings
I told u what I wan
(1:06 AM) confussing: i know u wont like it when i say it la.. but well i still tell u, i feel  and my heart hurt every time u online
lol
(1:06 AM) SengKangGUy: I don beat abt the bush
(1:07 AM) confussing: and when i started to get use to u, u talk to me...
lol
i want to let u go...
(1:07 AM) confussing: seriously..
hahahaha
(1:07 AM) SengKangGUy: Ok
Now I go
(1:07 AM) confussing: lol
(1:08 AM) confussing: good luck k?
(1:08 AM) SengKangGUy: But I hope u change yr mind
(1:08 AM) confussing: lol
(1:08 AM) SengKangGUy: I wan to do with u again
(1:08 AM) confussing: ai yah
y me?
(1:08 AM) SengKangGUy: Cos I miss that feel of u
Kinda need the feel
Urge
(1:08 AM) confussing: hahaha
(1:09 AM) SengKangGUy: Wanna be dirty with u again
(1:09 AM) confussing: got lots of other nice girl out there ma
(1:09 AM) SengKangGUy: But well
I understand yr feelings
I know, but I said is the "feel"
(1:09 AM) SengKangGUy: Every girl got diff feel
(1:10 AM) SengKangGUy: Can I make u wet again?
If u allow?
(1:10 AM) confussing: lol
haha
coz i can b really dirty?
(1:10 AM) SengKangGUy: Nah
(1:11 AM) SengKangGUy: All girls when horny are dirty
All same
(1:11 AM) confussing: then?
lol
are u in need now?
(1:11 AM) SengKangGUy: Yup
(1:12 AM) SengKangGUy: U wan help?
If u don wan is alright
U hate me I know
I understand too
(1:12 AM) confussing: understand?
(1:13 AM) SengKangGUy: U wan feeling from me. Not my dick
I know that
(1:13 AM) confussing: at least some respect..
(1:13 AM) SengKangGUy: When I don't respect u
(1:14 AM) SengKangGUy: That time was an misunderstanding
(1:14 AM) confussing: most of the time?
(1:14 AM) SengKangGUy: I feel u re sensitive
(1:14 AM) confussing: maybe ba
(1:14 AM) SengKangGUy: Cos u have to understand we not bf n gf
(1:15 AM) confussing: but u are the first fuck buddy that make me feel so
(1:15 AM) SengKangGUy: Other girls are treated like that too
(1:15 AM) confussing: but other nvr treat me like taht
(1:15 AM) SengKangGUy: So?
(1:16 AM) SengKangGUy: Ok, I just feel u re sensitive
For that day at movie
(1:16 AM) confussing: i feel your disrespect..
(1:17 AM) confussing: and i am offended
(1:17 AM) SengKangGUy: Ok!
I am sorry
I apologize
My bad
I improve on that
(1:17 AM) confussing: nah
no next time
i cant keep feeling 
 over you
not healty
(1:17 AM) SengKangGUy: Now..
(1:18 AM) SengKangGUy: I don wan anything from you
Ok 
Don't worry.
(1:18 AM) SengKangGUy: I make a wrong move to find u
But I just say I am sorry
I swear I don't mean it
Up to u to believe
(1:18 AM) SengKangGUy: I know u don't believe
But I am just sorry
And erm...
(1:19 AM) SengKangGUy: I make myself disappear?
Ok. Sorry once again,
I won't find u again
Sorry
(1:19 AM) confussing: thanks
(1:19 AM) SengKangGUy: Truly sorry 
(1:19 AM) confussing: block me k?
(1:19 AM) HaLu has changed his/her status to Busy
(1:20 AM) confussing: thanks