thats all

i am sorry for all this while.. i have done so many bad stuffs. I should not get close to any of my readers at all.. its my fault...

i will close down this blog once and for all. Even it means i will lose the only channel for me venting out all my despair...

its my bad ok? so for those who feel angry, please dont, for those who feel i am silly please dont, for those who are hurt, i m not sure if there is any, please dont.. dont left any feeling for me..

for those i have contacted with, i am sorry, for those who wants me, i am sorry, for those who had their fun time with me, i am sorry...

i am not sure how much impact i have in this world, but sometimes, i feel it that this world will be better off without me..

dont worry, i wont suicide.. i am too worthless to let others ppl down.

i will just rot in my little hole here.. and wont bother any of you anymore..

who cares if i bored to death? who cares if i feel sorry for myself? who cares if i am just a fucking toy? i am will not appear anymore, i will not be a bother anymore...

i had enough of this sharp feling of pain, so sorry for all the time u have wasted in here.. i will be gone for good...

Ugh.. My head hurts..

Ok, I screwed up once again.. Y am i toying with a young and innocent kid? this is just so wrong~~ End up with myself getting hurt? it is so not worth it.. and my head is screaming so much at me. It hurts, feel like hang over. I Promise myself that I'll get over it. I will be better today, i must. and i look so ugly right now, with puffy eyes and messy hair..

This rose is for u.. paper roses is fake but eternal. It will not wither nor change. It will just appear as beautiful as it first seen. Because of you I made it, Because of u I throw it. Thanks so much for all your companion this few nights. It meant alot to me. Thats why the scar is much deeper than i thought it will.

I know its not your fault, Its entirely mine. I should not toy with u, i should not do this kind of things to you. I should not ask and i should not add. DId i regret knowing you? I dont know.. will i be better off not knowing you? I dont know either.


But well, this prove one thing.. Guys want to have sex with me rather than be friend with me. I made it clear, i dont want a fb.. dint i? i hate this kind of sex friend relation. SIck of it.

If A guy that hurt u ask u back...

(12:51 AM) SengKangGUy: Hihi
(12:51 AM) confussing: hi?
(12:51 AM) SengKangGUy: Ya
Hi
(12:52 AM) confussing: are you boot? or virus?
(12:52 AM) SengKangGUy: Nope
Still interested to play ?
(12:52 AM) confussing: no
not with you
(12:52 AM) SengKangGUy:
Ok
(12:53 AM) confussing: good luck
(12:53 AM) SengKangGUy: If u change yr mind tell me
(12:54 AM) confussing: y would i after u treated me like that?
forget it
(12:55 AM) SengKangGUy: Ok already over le so how much I say is no use
(12:55 AM) confussing: lol
friend?
not play mate?
(12:55 AM) SengKangGUy: But if u decide to change yr mind
Let me know
Both
(12:56 AM) SengKangGUy: I need u n u need me
(12:56 AM) confussing: so u only looking for playmate eh..
(12:56 AM) confussing: sorry i cant help u on this anymore
(12:57 AM) SengKangGUy: I looking for a friend that can be friends with me
But since we know each other... So why??
Easier right?
(12:57 AM) confussing: just for that right?
(12:58 AM) confussing: i am ok if u started with that
(12:58 AM) SengKangGUy: Think abt it
(12:58 AM) SengKangGUy: Which that?
(12:58 AM) confussing: but the way u start
(12:58 AM) SengKangGUy: Since we both did so much
(12:58 AM) confussing: haiz..
u have a girl that u like right?
(12:59 AM) confussing: then u should stop doing it with me
(12:59 AM) confussing: its bad for her and you
(12:59 AM) SengKangGUy: No need to shy
What?
So.. U wan?
I don have a girl
I don like gfs
(1:00 AM) confussing: u dont like gf?
u like bf?
lol
(1:00 AM) SengKangGUy: Nope
Just don't like to commit
(1:00 AM) confussing: i see
(1:01 AM) SengKangGUy: So u interested?
Just online n phone
(1:01 AM) confussing: nope
(1:01 AM) confussing: good luck
(1:01 AM) SengKangGUy: I won't force u to meet
So u don wan?
(1:01 AM) confussing: i prefer meeting
lol
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: But u very easily affected
(1:02 AM) confussing: yup
thats why
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: I feel scare
(1:02 AM) confussing: dont want
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: I prefer we do here
(1:02 AM) confussing: i also scare do it with u again
(1:02 AM) confussing: well, my circuntances change
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: Don worry I wont
(1:02 AM) confussing: i cant do it here any more
(1:02 AM) SengKangGUy: Why?
(1:02 AM) confussing: not with you
(1:03 AM) SengKangGUy: Lol, okok
I get it
(1:03 AM) confussing: good luck
(1:03 AM) SengKangGUy: Then won't bother u 
I no need the luck
(1:03 AM) confussing: yes u need
(1:03 AM) SengKangGUy: But think abt it
I dont
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: I need is you
(1:04 AM) confussing: do u know that for girl, its easy to find a guy that want to do it?
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: But u just can't think straight
Lol
(1:04 AM) confussing: yup
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: Not really la
(1:04 AM) confussing: i cant
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: Okokok
(1:04 AM) confussing: hahaha
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy: I leave you alone
(1:04 AM) confussing: lol
(1:04 AM) SengKangGUy:  haha
(1:05 AM) confussing: sure sure
hmm
i think u are the first and will b the only guy affecting me so much
(1:05 AM) confussing: applause for you
lol
(1:05 AM) SengKangGUy: We can work things out
(1:05 AM) confussing: nah
(1:05 AM) SengKangGUy: Just be like past?
(1:06 AM) confussing: tootroublesome
hmm
(1:06 AM) SengKangGUy: With no meets up
At least I am honest
(1:06 AM) SengKangGUy: I don cheat yr feelings
I told u what I wan
(1:06 AM) confussing: i know u wont like it when i say it la.. but well i still tell u, i feel  and my heart hurt every time u online
lol
(1:06 AM) SengKangGUy: I don beat abt the bush
(1:07 AM) confussing: and when i started to get use to u, u talk to me...
lol
i want to let u go...
(1:07 AM) confussing: seriously..
hahahaha
(1:07 AM) SengKangGUy: Ok
Now I go
(1:07 AM) confussing: lol
(1:08 AM) confussing: good luck k?
(1:08 AM) SengKangGUy: But I hope u change yr mind
(1:08 AM) confussing: lol
(1:08 AM) SengKangGUy: I wan to do with u again
(1:08 AM) confussing: ai yah
y me?
(1:08 AM) SengKangGUy: Cos I miss that feel of u
Kinda need the feel
Urge
(1:08 AM) confussing: hahaha
(1:09 AM) SengKangGUy: Wanna be dirty with u again
(1:09 AM) confussing: got lots of other nice girl out there ma
(1:09 AM) SengKangGUy: But well
I understand yr feelings
I know, but I said is the "feel"
(1:09 AM) SengKangGUy: Every girl got diff feel
(1:10 AM) SengKangGUy: Can I make u wet again?
If u allow?
(1:10 AM) confussing: lol
haha
coz i can b really dirty?
(1:10 AM) SengKangGUy: Nah
(1:11 AM) SengKangGUy: All girls when horny are dirty
All same
(1:11 AM) confussing: then?
lol
are u in need now?
(1:11 AM) SengKangGUy: Yup
(1:12 AM) SengKangGUy: U wan help?
If u don wan is alright
U hate me I know
I understand too
(1:12 AM) confussing: understand?
(1:13 AM) SengKangGUy: U wan feeling from me. Not my dick
I know that
(1:13 AM) confussing: at least some respect..
(1:13 AM) SengKangGUy: When I don't respect u
(1:14 AM) SengKangGUy: That time was an misunderstanding
(1:14 AM) confussing: most of the time?
(1:14 AM) SengKangGUy: I feel u re sensitive
(1:14 AM) confussing: maybe ba
(1:14 AM) SengKangGUy: Cos u have to understand we not bf n gf
(1:15 AM) confussing: but u are the first fuck buddy that make me feel so
(1:15 AM) SengKangGUy: Other girls are treated like that too
(1:15 AM) confussing: but other nvr treat me like taht
(1:15 AM) SengKangGUy: So?
(1:16 AM) SengKangGUy: Ok, I just feel u re sensitive
For that day at movie
(1:16 AM) confussing: i feel your disrespect..
(1:17 AM) confussing: and i am offended
(1:17 AM) SengKangGUy: Ok!
I am sorry
I apologize
My bad
I improve on that
(1:17 AM) confussing: nah
no next time
i cant keep feeling 
 over you
not healty
(1:17 AM) SengKangGUy: Now..
(1:18 AM) SengKangGUy: I don wan anything from you
Ok 
Don't worry.
(1:18 AM) SengKangGUy: I make a wrong move to find u
But I just say I am sorry
I swear I don't mean it
Up to u to believe
(1:18 AM) SengKangGUy: I know u don't believe
But I am just sorry
And erm...
(1:19 AM) SengKangGUy: I make myself disappear?
Ok. Sorry once again,
I won't find u again
Sorry
(1:19 AM) confussing: thanks
(1:19 AM) SengKangGUy: Truly sorry 
(1:19 AM) confussing: block me k?
(1:19 AM) HaLu has changed his/her status to Busy
(1:20 AM) confussing: thanks

Bizarre

Bizarre.. is the only word i can describe my situation now... I cant believe what I just did. The adrenaline still rushing trough my body.. the thought of him beside me is still so vivid.. his smell of perfume.. I am tottaly airheaded.. OMG...

Its not like I like him or what.. it just that I am not use to this kind of get up... I dont used to be treated like this.. not really in a bad way.. not really a good one either.. and i am 100% sure i dint fall for him..

Fine he is sort of cute.. but for heaven sake.. and for crying out loud.. He is definitely younger than me.. No more techer and student relationship.. No more dark secrete behind school ground.. its not good for eldery... or for a fainthearted person like me..

I cant believe I and fidgeting beside a boy younger than me by so much.. I was so nervous....... >.< did I just lost my touch?

Well...I did lie to him for few things.. and he is sort of..like.. a little puppy that makes me want to hug him so much.. mentally ok.. he is huge.. so its impossible for me to really caress him or what... and he is really some sort of guy I would like to have one.. keep as pet or what.. it will be fun.. seeing him doing stuffs that are so sweet.. help me wonder what if some one did that kind of things to me too? normally I am the one in that situation he is in.. hahaha

Well I am fidgeting all around maybe coz it was so cold inside there.. and he caught me by surprise.. I should wear more next time~~ not with him..

Guess it will b a sleepless night for me.. but anyway all the best to him..

I have no idea what am i writing~~ LOL